Behind These Hazel Eyes
by Ginny.Potter0114
Summary: Nothing has been normal for Cho Chang ever since Cedric died. She feels like she has no one that understands her anymore, that can see the tears she cries, beind her hazel eyes. Disclaimer: Kelly Clarkson owns the song Behind These Hazel Eyes.


Seems like just yesterday You were a part of me I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong

The days Cho Chang wanted to remember were when Cedric Diggory was at her side. And she was happy. Now, those days were just a distant memory.

Your arms around me tight Everything, it felt so right Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong

Cho savored the memory when she went to the Yule Ball with Cedric. It was an amazing experience, but she couldn't fully enjoy herself. Cedric was taking part in the Triwizard Tournament. It had a reputation for its lack of safety and high death rates. She knew that Cedric was strong, but she couldn't help but worry about him. Cedric noticed the troubled look on Cho's face. When he asked and Cho expressed her concern, Cedric hugged her and said, "Don't worry. Everything will be fine." After that, Cho did feel better.

Now I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on

Then, at the final task of the Triwizard Tournament, Cedric and Harry disappeared for a long time. Then Harry showed up screaming that You-Know-Who had returned and that Cedric was dead.

Cedric was dead. Those were the worst words she had ever heard.

For weeks, she wasn't able to sleep for more than a few hours at a time without Cedric's death haunting her dreams. That day, those words, were life changing.

Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one

Cho loved Cedric, but at the same time she hated him. Why did he have to sign up for the Triwizard Tournament? He was always doing stuff just for the adventure. That's probably why he was chosen.

Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes

Cedric just signed up for himself. He wasn't thinking about anyone else. Cho warned him against it, but he assured her that he would be fine. Cho finally told herself to stop worrying, and realized that Cedric knew what he was doing after the Yule Ball.

She was excited on the day of the third task. Everyone was anxiously waiting to find out who would be named the winner. But everyone's excitement, not only Cho's, was ruined when they found out that Cedric had died.

When Cho got home, she hid in her room for hours at a time. She sometimes refused to accept the truth. But other times, she knew she could not deny it. Cedric was gone, and they would never see each other again.

I told you everything Opened up and let you in You made me feel alright For once in my life

Cho felt like she could tell Cedric anything. She started going to Cedric whenever she was worried about something, and she would just let it all out. And Cedric would just sit there. The best part was that Cho felt like he truly cared. He didn't just pretend he was listening. He actually did.

Sometimes Cho didn't even have to go to him. One thing she loved about Cedric was that he always knew when something was on her mind. She didn't have to worry about trying to talk to him or about what he would say once she did. She trusted him. After Cho talked to Cedric, whether good or bad, she felt better. She knew very soon after she met him that she loved him.

Now all that's left of me Is what I pretend to be So together, but so broken up inside

Cho continued to hide away in her room until almost the start of the next term. As she was packing her trunk, her sister Amy entered Cho's room. She was relieved that it wasn't her little brother, trying to play a trick on her. Cho was happy to see Amy. Amy was her favorite sister.

Amy pushed aside a pile of clothes and sat down on the bed. Cho sat down next to her. Cho didn't want to talk about Cedric. She couldn't.

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to," Amy said.

"Maybe later. I don't think I can talk about it right now."

"That's okay. Let me know when you want to talk." She stood up and left.

It occurred to Cho that she did want to talk to Amy, just not about Cedric. Cho loved Amy. They hadn't done anything together in a long time.

Cho missed doing things with her sisters when she was off school. She couldn't believe that she wasted almost the whole summer and only talked to Amy a few times.

She found Amy sitting at the dining room table. She was writing something for her job at the Ministry of Magic. When Amy noticed Cho, she put her quill down and looked up.

"Amy, could you take me to Diagon Alley? I need new books for school."

"Of course. We'll use floo powder."

It was true that Cho needed new books, but she needed to get out of the house and she really wanted to be with Amy, just for a few hours.

Cho returned from Diagon Alley feeling slightly happier. It still pained her knowing that she would have to return to school in just a few days, and face everyone. They'd have questions, and expect her to know the answers. Worst of all, everyone would be talking about it. Some of them would probably still be in disbelief, but no one would understand what Cho was going through. hr

Cho nervously entered the Hogwarts Express. She found her friends, who had already taken a seat. She was trying to act as normal as possible. No one had mentioned Cedric yet or asked her if something was wrong. To her, that was a sign that she was doing a good job of masking her sadness.

"I'm hungry," one of her friends said, "let's get something to eat."

Cho was given several coins by her friend and left to find the trolley. As she purchased some snacks for her friends and on her way back, she noticed Harry. He was sitting with his friends and they all seemed to be covered in something slimy. She talked with them for a few minutes, and Harry was obviously embarrassed to have her around while he looked like he did. Cho noticed a nervous tone in Harry's voice, and she suspected it wasn't because of the slimy goo.

She felt like it wouldn't be hard to act normal in front of her friends. But inside, she felt anything but normal.

'Cause I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on

One of the best days of Cho's life was getting her invitation to Hogwarts. She had been looking forward to that day ever since Amy got her invitation. On her first day at Hogwarts, she was awake long before anyone else.

Hogwarts was everything she imagined it to be. It was perfect. But now, Cho couldn't stand being here. Everyone was so happy to see each other again and to be back at Hogwarts, and she was struggling just to get through the first day. Cho pulled out a quill and parchment and began writing.

Dear Amy,

I'm ready to talk. It's so hard to believe that only a few months ago, everything was so perfect. With Cedric at my side, I felt invincible, like I was always safe and everything would always be alright. When he died, I felt so vulnerable.

I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with you this past summer. It was so hard to believe that this was all happening, and I didn't realize until the end of summer that I should enjoy what was left of summer.

Please write back. I know I didn't want to talk before but now I really need to.

Love,

Cho

Cho went to the owlery where she sent her message off with a small owl.

Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one 

It was easier for Cho to get through school after she wrote the letter. She was able to focus more on school now. She was getting better marks. Cho also had a date with Harry scheduled at Hogsmeade. She had a feeling he would eventually ask. 

The date had gone horribly. Cho viewed this date as an opportunity to talk about Cedric, ask exactly what happened. All of a sudden, she felt like she needed to talk about it. She was done denying everything. But the subject made Harry uncomfortable and he didn't want to discuss it. What did Harry expect her to do? Live the rest of her life in misery, hiding all her feelings?

Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes

Cho now felt just the way she did during the summer. She felt like everything was hopeless. Again, she struggled just to get through each day, not wanting to face people. Most importantly, she felt like she would never be able to talk to Harry again, like she should always avoid him.

Swallow me then spit me out For hating you I blame myself Seeing you it kills me now No, I don't cry on the outside Anymore…

Cho was beginning to feel like Harry really liked her, and she was beginning to really like Harry. But Harry ruined everything for both of them. She now hated Harry. And she sometimes blamed herself. She should have known better than to ask Harry about Cedric. Harry was there. He saw the whole thing. It definitely was just as traumatizing for him as it was for her. But that's why she tried talking to him about it in the first place. He knew what happened. 

Harry and Cho tried not to make eye contact. They hated seeing each other. It brought back so many bad memories.

It was the worst for Cho. People were starting to ask questions, and she refused to answer any of them. It was too painful. 

Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry…

Cho had completely forgotten about the letter she had sent Amy. One morning at breakfast, the small owl she used to send the letter landed in front of her. Once the owl left, she opened the letter.

Dear Cho,

I'm glad that you're ready to talk about it. I was so worried about you this summer, and I wanted to spend time with you too. This summer we'll do more together. And you can tell me anything you want to.

Love,

Amy

The letter was short, but Cho loved it. She carefully folded it and put it in her bag. It was nice to know that at least one person was still thinking about her. 

The letter made her realize how much people cared about her and that they missed her during the summer. But she still felt like she would always be keeping some secrets, and there would be a side of her some people would just never see…

Behind these hazel eyes 


End file.
